Shipping Policy

Let's keep this simple — because complicated shipping policies are a special kind of evil and you have better things to read.

Free Shipping? Yes, Actually. We offer free shipping on all US orders over $75. No promo codes, no hoops, no fine print ambushes. Just hit $75 and it's on us.

Processing Time Orders are typically shipped out within 2–5 business days of purchase. We're not a warehouse robot army — real humans handle this, so processing times may stretch a little during peak periods.

Tracking Your Order Once your order ships, you'll receive tracking information by email. Use it wisely, obsessively, or not at all — that's between you and your anxiety.

Secure Checkout All payments are processed through a secure, encrypted checkout system. Your financial information is safe. We're in the business of selling attitude, not stealing credit card numbers.

A Word on Delivery Times Estimated delivery dates are exactly that — estimates. Carrier delays, weather events, and other forces of chaos beyond our control can affect your delivery window. We'll get your order out the door on our end. What happens in transit is between your package and the universe.